It would not be fitting for a blog about Peace Corps and
Macedonia to end on an account of my travels to Iceland, hence this last and
final post. I deliberated writing more
posts upon my return, given a sudden surplus of idle time awaiting me at
home. But every time I tried to write
something, my interest waned and my writing proved bland. Thus I decided to wait out the end of summer
and allow myself three months before I reflect on my return to the USA.
The Return
Of course, upon seeing friends and family upon my return,
they would ask me "How does it feel to be back?" and "Do you
miss it?" Answering either question
is difficult, especially since my feelings shifted each day, and mostly I was
not sure how much patience the interrogator had to deal with a question
demanding such a complex answer (so I mostly just responded succinctly, yet
politely). Confronting this question
here to myself, and to potential RPCVs who are reading this blog, I can say
that it was pretty awful to return.
My reasoning for using such a strongly negative label for my
return has little to do with the culture shock of returning. I love the United States, and I am lucky to
live in a metropolitan city like Chicago.
I was reunited with my loving family, and I was even lucky to see many
of my closest friends during the summer.
And sure, there are some things that I miss about my lifestyle in
Macedonia and Peace Corps (and I miss the people too), but readjusting to the
culture of the United States was not that tough.
I think what made transitioning back to the USA was my lack
of purpose. As soon as the token-ness of
reuniting with people wore away, I would instantly become jealous of the lives
that they were leading. Besides
attending a few weddings and making a short trip to the East Coast, I pretty
much did nothing for my first 1.5 months back in the States. Sure, it was nice to enjoy a summer vacation
with downtime similar to that in high school.
But I did not have any friends with whom I could share this bounty of
leisure time. I felt alone in my
boredom.
 |
| Night out with friends in DC |
 |
| Groomsmen at my best friend's wedding |
 |
| Tying the knot |
 |
| Sweet home, Chicago |
 |
| With the family for Independence Day |
Instead of sulking, I decided to make the most of my
situation by training in bartending and applying to work at bars. I unfortunately was not accepted to any of
the internships to which I applied (frustratingly, even to the unpaid
internships). So instead of
professionally developing myself, bartending seemed to be the past time through
which I could interact with others and save a few bucks. While I applied to many places in Chicago for
work, I was lucky enough to be hired at a brewery in Southwest Michigan, where
I spent the latter half of my summer.
My work at the brewery was a blessing in disguise, since it
helped me transition to life back in the States. It was located in a more rural area of the
State, and patrons would hail from Illinois, Indiana, and Michigan, thus
allowing me to connect with people from the area. The brewery was also in its incipient stage,
opened for fewer than two weeks when I was brought on, and so I was able to see
it grow and adjust through its first period in business. Now I prepare for graduate school in Boston,
and thus I hope that I will gain fulfillment from working toward that which I
am passionate for, namely International Development and Affairs.
Now I would not go to say that the Peace Corps is lousy at
preparing PCVs for their return to the States.
The resettlement allowance that we accumulate during our service is
hefty, though considerably small when taking into account the typical expenses
that add up over three months (including insurance, student loans, rent,
utilities, purchasing new clothes and personal items, and traveling abroad
after service or around the USA). RPCVs
also are qualified for non-competitive eligibility status, allowing them to
pass some of the hurdles of government employment. This of course, was not an option for me due
to graduate school (but my NCE will be deferred during my studies).
Yet it is admittedly difficult to transition from a
lifestyle where three goals cast over your work and lifestyle. Peace Corps life also offers a support
structure of other volunteers whose lives are typically similar to one's own,
an element that I lacked for my first months back in the USA. Finally, while my experience was personally
profound, I still feel that I have not progressed as much as my family or
friends, who have since my time in Peace Corps married, had children, or
purchased their first property.
For all these reasons, my return to the USA has not been the
most pleasant experience of the Peace Corps journey, yet I continue to smile
through my teeth when people ask me about it.
 |
| Night out with the co-workers |
 |
| Matching at the brewery |
 |
| Kayak trip in Northern Michigan |
What I Learned
A question nobody has asked me since I returned is, "Do
you think that the experience has changed you?" This question is more significant to me,
especially since our former PC Macedonia Director used to frequently tell us,
"You will gain more from this experience than you will ever
contribute." I already wrote a post
about how I do not recognize who I was before I started my PC experience, so I
will not bore the readers to juxtapose my current and former selves
further. Yet there are now three
mantras by which I live by thanks to my PC experience.
1. Don't be an
asshole.
It is a simple idea, the basic "Do unto others as you
would have done unto you." Yet
personally it goes beyond avoiding harming others. Instead, one should personally exude their
best self whenever possible. Constantly
being in the spotlight has instilled in me the sense that I will always
represent more than myself. In the Peace
Corps, I represented the United States, and thus my actions and words would
reflect what host-country nationals would assume on the "typical"
American. Thus I constantly strived to
be polite and to align my values to that which I would deem American. The greatest reward and feedback that I
received regarding this was from my former counterpart, who told me on my last
night in Prilep that she and other AIESEC members previously did not have
positive views on Americans, but that my work and collaboration with them
completely changed this perspective.
For every Ryan Lochte in the world that lets their ego and
sense of American superiority taint our image as a citizen of the globe, there
are numerous PCVs out there counteracting his misconduct with good deeds.
2. Don't obsess over people.
While my first mantra may be universally self-evident, my
second may be a bit more controversial.
Through my toughest times in Peace Corps, I have discovered that I could
never rely on others to make me feel better.
In the end, personal effort and time eroded most of the darkest moments
during my service. This may be
counter-intuitive to the community-based work that PC is known for, and I do
not decry such virtuous notions as seeking help or advice or working together
as a team. However, when I was most
depressed or questioned my success or contribution to work in Peace Corps, I
found that self-reflection, brainstorming creative solutions, and seeking
opportunities in the community restored my positive attitude and provided me a
new lease to motivate myself and keep on achieving.
Many times during service I observed other PCVs obsess over
other people, either due to some drama or love interest. I saw these interactions tear the PCVs apart,
and I quickly realized that divesting from others and focusing on work was the
best way to experience self-worth from my service. My statements may make it seem that I argue
against falling in love, which is false- if the feelings are mutual, I say
"right on". Yet each individual
should have passions that drive him forward in life, and sometimes in Peace
Corps a lack of purpose may drive a volunteer to pursue another person with a
similar abandon. Overall, I have never
solved a problem I was facing by relying on others, and thus this PCV
experience has provided me with my own Thoreau-ean experience.
3. Just Try
This is a mantra I developed since returning to the USA, and
sure, sounds very similar to the Nike slogan.
Yet it reflects the "not my problem" attitude that I observed
most Americans have. Simply, each
individual effort to remedy a social ill will compound so that the issue seems
surmountable. In Macedonia, I faced a
lot of listless complaining, including that Macedonia was too poor, or that
things were better in the past, or that the government is corrupt, etc. But especially when working with college-aged
and high school students, they would at least brainstorm possible solutions to
these social malaises.
I flew over an ocean to offer a people of a developing
country my energy and skills (whatever those may be), yet here in the States we
have countless problems that need fixing.
While working at the brewery, I have heard numerous patrons react and
say that urban violence cannot be solved because the police cannot do their
jobs anymore. Yet while the law
enforcement is vilified by social media and the Black Lives Matter movement,
and while minorities still feel threatened by the rule of law, an
"impossible" situation can easily be solved by community involvement. I have seen it work before in Peace Corps,
and the reasoning for the solution is simple: understanding and trust can
overcome many bounds.
We are set to live in a world of rising temperatures and
pollution, yet Americans (even those who do not deny in climate change) fret
that there is little we can do at a micro level. Yet even my own family cannot correctly
recycle items according to the rules of the city of Chicago. Macedonians conserve electricity because it
is so expensive, and it was always surprising to me that the youth cared so
much for environmental protection when countries like the USA, China, and India
pollute way more.
I am pursuing a career in development and diplomacy, so optimism
is demanded of me. But effort needs an
economy of scale, one to which complacency seems to be the de facto attitude of
most Americans.
Would I Do It Again?
One of the greatest moments I experienced upon my return
from Peace Corps was talking to my cousin, who has expressed to me interest of
joining the Peace Corps after graduating from university. Explaining to him all of the challenges and
opportunities about the typical service, judged through my experience and
accounts of other PCVs in other countries, refilled me with enthusiasm I have
not felt since my return. I am always
amazed at how such a sporadic idea like the Peace Corps is able to accomplish
so much given its low budget and limited scope.
Now do not get me wrong, I do not see myself as a martyr due
to my service. Whenever people thank me
"for my service", I honestly react that my time spent in Peace Corps
was not a major sacrifice. On the other
side of it, I always feel the same appreciation toward our military who
sacrifice their time in the service. Yet
when I extended the same regards to a young man serving in the Navy in the
military during my trip to Iceland, he similarly said that he does not feel
like he is making a sacrifice for his country.
Instead, he is living abroad at a young age, making a good wage, and is
able to visit other European countries on each weekend.
But I do firmly believe that every American should experience
something similar to the Peace Corps.
That experience should have them living abroad and immersing in the culture
and society of the typical citizen of that country. They should feel the frustration of learning
a language, navigating an unknown city, and dealing with perplexing
customs. Most of all, they should feel
the joy of being integrated into a foreign community and collaborating with
others to solve a local problem.
Peace Corps was the experience that I needed to have. I have learned important lessons that I could
never fully grasp in a classroom or working for corporate America. It may end up becoming the most formative
years of my life. So for those who are
considering this 27-month (or more!) commitment, I say to them, "Ајде!"
