Integrated is a Dull State

For PCVs, “integrated” is such a loaded word.  As days during PST pass, we would often contemplate, either individually or in a group, how “integrated” we were.  Were we adapting to the local customs?  Were certain mannerisms of the locals continuing to frustrate us?  Did we adapt something that we thought was more sensible than the “American way”.  Were we thinking in the local language, or were we forgetting how to speak English properly?

By the end of PST, nobody becomes integrated, because we are all at once thrown into new communities to adapt to the work life and make sense of our new towns or villages.  Many of us use the training to try to adapt more quickly and avoid the pitfalls that had trapped many other PCVs before us, but the integration process is unique to each PCV’s situation.  No matter how long we serve in Peace Corps, whether we extend or simply stay 27 months, whether we are fluent in the local language or can barely order at a restaurant, whether we adapt to the local standards of living or cling to the Western consumer products, like Loreal shampoo or Oreos or Diet Coke, or whether we marry a local or find a relationship with a fellow PCV, we may never be fully integrated because we were initially introduced to the locals as the foreign volunteer, and we will always remain so in their mindset.

Since integration can never fully be achieved, its definition is more of a scale than a single state.  And thus our sense of integration varies from one person to the other.  During the first weeks of training nearly a year ago, I still had a bright-eyed attitude regarding my experience with Macedonia.  Yet I envied the volunteers who had lived in Macedonia for a year or two.  They could speak the language fluently.  They randomly encountered local friends in Skopje or Tetovo.  They called locals to hang out with them or discuss a matter regarding their work.  In many ways I felt ashamed that I did not have this experience early on, but that was foolish since the timeline of Peace Corps grants PCVs this experience after the course of a few months.

My personal definition for integration, in regards to integration as a PCV, is synonymous with being jaded.  Once the allure of living in a new country and culture disappears, and the same worries and troubles that one felt at home reappear, then one has become “integrated.”  Others may not agree with my definition of “integrated”, but I feel that once one feels jaded with his Peace Corps experience, one has finally, fully adapted to his new lifestyle.

Thus integration is a dull state.  I contemplate it now because I can juxtapose my current experience to those of the new group of PCVs, who are currently going through PST.  I managed to gain access to some of their blogs, and their fascination with food, customs, or simply a bunch of goats and pigs walking aimlessly down the village road is refreshing for me.  Although it reminds me of my reaction to the new culture I was wading into about a year ago, I also chuckle at how these cultural points are no longer so strange to me.  For example, a few weeks ago as I was blazing through the short cut to the college, the narrow dirt path was blocked by a grazing horse.  I was more disgruntled than anything, since this horse forced me to circumvent it by walking through the brush, but upon reading a trainee’s fascination about pigs roaming around her village streets, I only realized then how strange I would consider passing a grazing horse on the quads during my time working at UChicago.

Language is one of those other points that improves when one further integrates into his PC site.  Even though I focused much of my energy on gaining fluency in Macedonian as quickly as possible during PST, I understand now that speaking with host families and immersing oneself in national emissions (including radio and all of those dubbed Turkish soap operas) better naturalize one tothe language.  What makes language so fascinating for me is that its logic allows one to build structures similar to how one can build/ solve a mathematical problem with formulas and concepts.  However, the logical formula-building of language eventually gives way to habits and naturalization of phrases as one uses the language with frequency.

While I am far from fluent, my ability to understand the language is surprisingly adept for a year’s worth.  For example, during the AIESEC MOSEM seminar, a few of the sessions regarding our national or regional strategies were completely delivered in Macedonian.  While the Power Points, which were written in English, offered me guidance throughout the presentations, I was surprised that I was able to understand about 85% of the oral presentation. 

However, I am nowhere near fluent in the language.   Since I understand almost everything in the Turkish soap operas, I decided to challenge myself by watching a Macedonian movie.  I went to the cinema to watch “Децата на Сонцето” (Children of the Sun, see link below for a trailer).  The movie was not subtitled, and I understood very little of the actors’ conversations.  Thus while understand very clear and literal Macedonian, the more colloquial Macedonian is still difficult for me to grasp.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gmBYjaHrkBI

What probably makes me feel most integrated is my work.  Obviously, this was what I worried about most when contemplating my Peace Corps experience prior to arriving to Macedonia.  If I knew then what I would be doing now, I am sure I would be as proud as I am today.  Work with AIESEC can be tiring, hectic, and sometimes dull.  For the past few weeks, my work has relied heavily on Google Drive and Skype meetings.  And I have created so many Power Points on Customer Centricity, Human Resources, and soft skills like Conflict Resolution and Adaptability, that my work would seem pedestrian compared to the other projects one hears about on the Peace Corps websites.  Outings with other PCVs and sitemates have transformed from an escape to a more “Western atmosphere” into just another outing where I am too exhausted from the work week and preoccupied with the work I still need to finish (in other words, probably similar to outings my friends and family experience back in the States).  And while my first few months at site often involved me trying to fill in my weekends to see some monumental sites or attend local festivals throughout Macedonia, weekends are now either times to relax at home (if I am lucky) or are filled with responsibilities for work.

I think most PCVs have the same ideal definition of what “integrated” would look like.  An ideally integrated volunteer would be sufficiently proficient in the language, using it for 60% of his day. He would have many HCN friends.  He would work on projects that are necessary to the development of his local community but otherwise unthinkable back in the States (like building a well or introducing a new type of seed that will increase agricultural output of the crop).  He would be an expert of transforming his skills and ideas to the local context.  He would also be awed daily by the cultural in which he lives.  Yet, this ideal PCV experience is probably nonexistent, especially since, even if the PCV is able to achieve all that I just described, that magical feeling one feels when living in a new country eventually dies away as one becomes integrated.  Because being integrated often means that those nagging problems regarding work, family, or other daily matters are adapted to the local context. 

So according to my definition of “integrated”, integrated = jaded or dull.  To most, it would seem that I am no longer happy with my situation here, which is entirely untrue.  Being jaded with my experience here means that I can work at the same efficiency as I did while working back in the States.  It means that I better understand the local context and frustrations in regards to my organization.  Since my organization is a microcosm of the work culture in Macedonia, I have adapted to a style of working culture of Macedonia.  Which is important for me since working in an international setting is my long-term professional goal. 

Why did I decide to write this post?  One reason is because it tracks and conveys a mental shift I developed during my time in the Peace Corps.  It may also give new volunteers or applicants to PC Macedonia an idea of what integration can look like.  This post may also serve as an explanation to why some of my blog posts are mundane or posted so sparsely.  My Peace Corps experience is a journey of many sorts, and while I look forward to sharing the various experiences I will enjoy over my 2+ years, I am also intrigued how the moments I will experience during my second year will be seen through a perspective different than the first year.