Initial Stumbles

Many of my friends and family are aware that I love to run.  However, few know that I have struggled with my knees over the past three years.  Sometimes I stress a knee (usually the left) so badly that I am unable to run for a few days and am forced to rest.  I am aware that many of these injuries could be prevented if I slow down my pace and stretch often.  Yet I often resist because I want to push myself during each run!  I never like to slow down.  Either I carry my old pace, or I run faster.

A few days have already passed in Lozovo, and I can already say that this experience is an emotional roller coaster of an experience.   I have already had my ups and downs, much of which could be blamed on the chemical imbalances that accompany the initial stages of an adventure like this.

By the first day of classes in Lozovo, the adrenaline that once pumped through my blood was totally exhausted.  I was tired and felt out of place. All of the sleep I forfeited over the first week in Macedonia finally caught up to me.  Additionally, the language barrier between my parents and me was finally noticeable.  I finally felt out of my place and anxious for that initial euphoria I once had upon arriving in Macedonia.

After few days and a nice long nap, I can gladly say that I finally feel that I am integrating into my community and family well.  However, I hope to share some mistakes or mishaps that I have committed so far that stirred in me my first doubts as a Peace Corps volunteer.

      1.     Na Gosti- I will provide a more thorough post about “Na gosti” sometime later, but I do want to mention my first time going on “na gosti” in Macedonia.  Sunday was our first full day in Lozovo, and with a limited vocabulary, all of the Lozovo volunteers were clueless as to how we should interact with our new community.  For many of us, sitting around an observing was our only option.

      On Sunday, my host father and mother were busy working with the tobacco that they had reaped in the fields.  My host mother, Jagoda, had left for the larger town, Sveti Nikolai, to drop off my papers and register me with the local police.  She told me to remain at home and stay with my host father as he threaded tobacco.  Threading tobacco is a very solitary activity, and I was unable to participate beyond taking pictures of the process.  Luckily, our neighbors saw me and invited me over for a visit, or in Macedonian a “na gosti”.  I asked my father and he allowed me to visit them. 
 
      Our neighbors are also hosting a volunteer (Sarah), and they offered me grapes, coffee, and Rakija.  It was nice to talk with them and enjoy some Macedonian refreshments.  After about an hour, Sarah and I saw Dan (another PCV) walking with his host brother.  We asked Sarah’s family if we could join them for a walk, and they allowed us to leave.

     We were led to Dan’s host brother’s house where we were offered more Rakija.  By this point my head became a bit groggy, and the perfect mixture of sleepiness and alcohol compelled me to return home.  Upon my return, I did not see Jagoda and Ile, so I headed straight to bed for a quick nap.

      When I awoke, I saw that Jagoda and Ile were home.  I assumed that they had eaten lunch, as Ile was back to threading tobacco, and Jagoda was hanging up the laundry to dry.  They asked if I was hungry, and I asked in return if they had already eaten.  I thought that they replied that they had already eaten, so I told them that I preferred to eat outside to join their company instead of eating alone in the house.  Well, my message was definitely lost in translation, as Jagoda and Ile brought out all of the food and joined me for lunch.  Macedonians do not often eat a full meal outside since it could be rather cold.  I felt bad for napping and making them eat outside, but I made up for it by picking tobacco in their field later that day.

      2.     Dropping a Baby- As I posted earlier, Jagoda and Ile have an adorable grandson, Vedran, who is about a year old.  Vedran and his father come over often right before lunch for a visit and a walk.  During one of his visits, Vedran was interested in playing with me and my walnut (I found it outside of my school).  I let him play with it as a ball, and he would hold on to it as he waddles across the yard.  He is unable to walk on his own, so I held his hand and provided support.  He was walking back and forth just fine, until a member of my host family called for us and startled me a bit.  I looked over to convey that they had my attention, but as I turned my head, Vedran stumbled, slipped from my hand, and knocked his head on the concrete ground.  I was very ashamed, but Vedran’s father was very forgiving and understanding about the incident.

      3.     Makedonski Jazik- Luckily for me, my prior knowledge of Macedonian allows me to understand more than most volunteers.  I had studied a bit of Macedonian before I arrived, hoping to barely understand the language so that I may integrate into my community better.  I am by NO MEANS fluent, but I can usually convey simple thoughts and needs to my host family and neighbors. 

     Studying Macedonian before I left initially seemed like a great idea since Peace Corps had only taught us how to introduce ourselves, say “hello” and “goodbye”, and count to ten during our week of classes in Tetovo.  Once we arrived in Lozovo, I already noticed that my family and others were impressed with my knowledge.  While most other volunteers were responding to questions by yelling English words and flailing their hands, I was creating short, simple sentences, with minor hand flailing as well.

      Within a short amount of time, I noticed that my slightly advanced knowledge of Macedonian was not a major advantage.  Mistaking my knowledge for fluency, my family has never spoken as slowly and simply as other host families.  The expectations for me at home seem greater than most.

While my host family has no mercy for me, other families and their neighbors are often impressed with my language ability.  They speak slowly, and in return I understand more and can respond to their inquiries.  Thus I am able to carry conversations with others in Macedonian, which is impressive to the locals and rewarding for me.

Well, one does not need to study Freud to understand how this rewarding experience can affect my life at home.  One of the reasons why I wanted to “na gosti” with other families was to integrate myself into the community more quickly.  Of course the subliminal desire that drives me to “na gosti” with others is to continue to feel both rewarded and understood within my community.  Unfortunately, my family is unable to “na gosti” with me to other families because they are busy reaping the tobacco in their fields.  It is difficult to visit others without feeling like I am abandoning my family.

As this week comes to a close, I am beginning to feel more at home, both within Lozovo as a whole and within my host family.  However, the thrill of a ride is the ability to have highs and lows.  Despite all of these initial struggles, I try to keep in mind that everybody trips.  Success is not only achieved by rising after each fall, but by starting slowly to build the strength, confidence, and endurance.  My pace will quicken, but I do not mind starting slowly for now.  As they say in Macedonian, Ima vreme (there is time).